Two Years Without You
...because it's human nature to forget.
It’s safe to say there is no need for introductions, but it never hurts to say, “Hello, once again.”
One hot afternoon in 2023, on my way back home from retrieving a 9Mobile SIM card I would not use again. My friend Sam, who never calls and rarely texts anyone, dropped five new messages and three missed calls on me. And it went this way:
Yinka is dead.
Missed call.
Nezo, Yinka died today.
He crashed his car in an accident.
Bro, I don’t know how I feel.
I’m devastated.
Missed call
Missed video call
I stared at my phone with tears welling up in my eyes, as I could not believe what I had just read.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!!!!
How’s this possible?
He texted me last night?
Was he alone?
No. He died with his girlfriend.
I went cold. That was two years ago, and today, I still carry the pain of that loss like the signature hump of a hunchback.
It was afternoon when you died, and I would never forgive December for what it did. Before the reaper came visiting, I wondered if you knew time was running out on your side of life. The night before you died, you sent me a video of a street interview, and the message from the interviewee can be summarized into a few words: life is a gift; don’t take it for granted.
I understand death is destiny, but did your death have to come quick and loud?
After your death, I looked at many people differently, and for various reasons too. Some people treated the news of your passing as any other occurrence; it almost did my head in. But for my sanity, I concluded that while they might have spent loads of time with you, they obviously did not know you the same way I did—or maybe I am painfully bad at letting go and moving on.
Mr Morale and The Big Steppers
After the release of Kendrick Lamar’s 2017 Pulitzer Prize-winning album, Damn. Kendrick took a long break, sparking talks of his retirement. He disappeared from public view for five years with no new music or interviews to discuss. During that time, all I did was rinse his last album as if my life depended on it, and at some point, you asked me why I liked that album so much. I shared a few songs from the album; you liked what you heard and became a fan of his music.
One quiet evening in 2022, I was doing some modest shopping, and I had left my phone at home. I got back home, and I had countless messages from you:
Kendrick is back.
New album soon.
Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers.
I thought you were messing around as usual, so I went on Twitter and realized you were for real. Kendrick returned from his hibernation.
Mr. Morale remains Kendrick’s most mature release. It explained his absence over five years and touched on topics such as sexual abuse, family, infidelity, depression, struggle with fame, therapy, writer’s block, and choosing yourself. Mr Morale has cemented its place as a masterpiece, but the album's themes make it an uncomfortable listen. Also, considering the messaging of this album, coupled with the fact that you were the first person to tell me about it, I realized that as long as I am alive and listen to this album, you will live forever, sonically, in wax, and across its 18 tracks.
Manchester United
Man, I honestly don't know what to say. It would not be far-fetched to assume the Red Devils are cursed. There is a new coach now. The board finally found the cojones to give bald Ten-Haag the sack, and in return, they appointed Ruben Amorim as the new head coach. During Ten-Haag’s tenure, when results went bad, I remember how you were always pissed at his bald head sitting empty, shining on the bench, and not being able to find solutions. By the way, can you believe he got sacked three games into his tenure at Leverkusen?
The new head coach looks good, but the results do not share the same opinion. The club of your life is not participating in any European competition this season. To rub salt on an open wound, you guys were knocked out of the Carabao Cup by Grimsby Town. To illustrate the severity of the situation, there is a content creator who has not had a haircut in over 400+ days. Why? He is waiting for Manchester United to win five games in a row before he cuts his hair. That’s how inconsistent the Red Devils have become.
I want you to rest in peace, so I don’t know if I should be telling you this. It appears that Arsenal may finally win the league this season. Sounds morbid, I know—that is just where we find ourselves.
Nostalgic Regrets
I spent the better part of a decade knowing you. The four-year period during which we took the same classes. We skipped classes to play games. We would often take long walks from deep inside Surulere to the rail lines in Mushin and then onwards to Oshodi. Those were fun times; we lived in the moment and barely took pictures. In hindsight, that was a mistake on our part. We should have taken a lot of pictures, but we figured we still had a lot of time together.
I feel sad anytime I think about you. It's even more heartbreaking when I recall the two-year period when we did not see each other. I wasn’t even doing anything important. I was just too lazy to get out of the house to see you.
There is no single day when I do not think about you. You saved my life a few times. Do you remember when a classmate of ours was getting married, and I couldn’t hold my alcohol because I had mixed McDowell’s with Salzenbrau or some ridiculous beer like that? I started throwing up, and you had to take me home. Thank you for that day.
At the height of the lockdown, I received a call from another classmate who told me to call you. I was worried, and I asked if something had happened. Then I got the news—your wife had died. I didn't see you until months later, and when I did, the only words that came out of my mouth were, “Are you okay?”
I should have hugged you. The type of hug that whispered eternity. I guess I thought we still had a lot of time. Silly me!
Some of our old classmates tried to find your parents earlier this year. They moved apartments, and the search has somewhat stalled. I am sure we will try again sometime next year.
Because It Is Human Nature To Forget
Let me share a paraphrased version of an email a subscriber shared with me.
“Hi Nezo!
Thank you for writing. I have enjoyed reading your newsletters, and I shared some with my friends as well. Don’t stop writing, but most importantly, don’t kill yourself. If you kill yourself, after a while, I will run out of your newsletters, and I will probably get bored with reading them all over again. When that happens, over time, I will forget about you, because it is human nature to forget. I don’t want to forget you. Take care of yourself.”
This year, I forgot your birthday. It made me sad for a few days because I am good with dates, and I always try my best to remember you. In some cultures, it is believed that people are not really dead as long as they have people who remember them. I am writing this so the 850 subscribers of this newsletter can remember you and keep your memory alive.
I am not sure how long I can keep writing these remembrance newsletters. Eventually, I will run out of things to write. I will forget to write about you because it is human nature to forget. When that time comes, when the act of remembering becomes a long-forgotten concept, and my memory takes the form of a deadly erosion, I hope it finds some resistance, led by how much I have thought about you. Your absence in my life has given silence a sound, and now, everything feels so loud and yet empty.
This year, I cried for you. It is believed that you have not felt grief until you have felt it while sober. Man, this year, I was sober.
I will say a prayer for you today. I am going to bury my grandma tomorrow, and I will remember to say a prayer for you tomorrow.
I love you. For a decade, you were my friend, and for two years now, I have missed you and also thought about you.
Rest in peace.
Nezo.
Nigerian by birth,
Indian by hemp,
Canadian by loud.
Signed - Nezo, St. Patron of women with vowels in their names, especially the ones with 0-2 boyfriends.
Reading this made me cry 😭 because it’s something I can relate to so deeply.
Forgetting is the easy part, but remembering that you forgot is the hardest part.
It’s been four years since my dad passed away, and there are still days when I miss him more than usual. On those days, I feel bad for the moments when he doesn’t cross my mind, wishing I had seen him one last time, hugged him a little longer, or spent more time with him before he died.
May his soul continue to rest in peace ✨🫂,
This reminds me of a friend I lost to suicide. Mercy Buoro, rest well.