It is safe to say there is no more need for introductions, but it never hurts to say, “Hello, once again.”
Apologies for not being consistent in dropping newsletters. It’s not you, it’s me. I am trying to change my ways. It’s hard, but I am trying.
It is that time of the year when anonymous questions come in and I have to answer them. Apologies if your questions do not make it here, they probably got lost in transit.
Here goes nothing!
How much do you love plantain and Puff-Puff?
Nezo - I have probably spent around 2% of the entire money I have seen in this life on Puff-Puff. As for Plantain, I love Plantain. Let’s just leave it at that.
My friend always talks about you all the time.
Nezo - Your friend has great taste in everything.
Favorite Artiste?
Nezo - Kendrick Lamar
What does it feel like to be Nezo?
Nezo - On some days, good. On other days, tiring. It’s a roller coaster of an experience.
Why should we hire you?
Nezo - Hunger wants to finish me, my boss.
Biggest red flags for a girl?
Nezo - See setup😂.I’ll not say this is a red flag per se, but girls who make “stanning” a celebrity their personality rub me off some type of way. Girls that like and voted Tinubu too.
What is your plan for leaving the country? Is it short term or long term?
Nezo - Short term? Nothing like short term in my migration dictionary. I am just waiting on getting a sugar daddy or mummy, and then, the new dispensation will welcome me.
Would you go for personality or looks?
Nezo - Personality. A good face would not hurt, but there has to be more to you behind that beautiful face of yours.
What types of dildos do it for you?
Nezo - Wahala! The thick vibrating dildos. Those ones longer than a sugar cane.
Have you ever been in a throuple?
Nezo - This sounds like an offer. To answer your question, no.
I need the head carryng that messed up mind in my crotch, what have i got to do?
Nezo - Ah! Too late. I would have done this for free but I quit prostitution on the 30th of January.
Will you marry me Ozen?
Nezo - Pick a date.
Nezo can you tell me what you find joy in apart from writing?
Nezo - I find joy in random conversations. The serious ones and the ones that seem to go nowhere. I find joy in songs written by artistes long forgotten. I also find joy in people - especially the people that other people find ordinary.
Do you have a mentor?
Nezo - Who would even agree to mentor someone like me? I don’t have a mentor.
If you were to have a chat with anyone in this world, who would it be?
Nezo - Kendrick Lamar or Dave Chappelle
Celebrity Crush?
Nezo - Lana Del Rey. For the sort of music she writes.
Why did you start writing?
Nezo - I was stuck in library for a year, and there was nothing else to do other than read and write. I also liked reading poems and I wondering what it would feel like to be able to write poems and maybe even author a poetry collection.
How long is your dick?
Nezo - Ah! Longer than my phone sha.
Plans for tomorrow?
Nezo - Sweating from unimaginable places.
One friend you are thankful for?
Nezo - I’m thankful for all my friends. All of them are crazy and amazing in their ways.
When’s was the last time you were happy?
Nezo - The last time I saw the words, “Congratulations, you are amazing.”
What makes you genuinely happy?
Nezo - Are you trying to steal the source of my happiness?😭 Ask me in person or in my DMs and I will tell you.
Giveaway when?
Nezo - Right now, I have nothing to give away.
What little things make you feel genuinely cared for and loved?
Nezo - These questions makes me feel like I’m in a talking stage with people on my contact list. As for the things that make me feel loved: I love it when people read whatever nonsense I write, makes me feel good and better than I was. I feel loved when people go out of their way to have those long ass conversations with me. I feel loved when people tell me I am the best thing since slice bread.
Help me! I need Kenny in my life.
Nezo - Werey! I need her in my life too.
What do you usually find solace in?
Nezo - Books, the not so long ones. Poetry, the ones about lost love. RealMadrid too, especially when they score early goals. I love the word solace. First time I came across it was from a game - Quantum of Solace.
Have you ever thought of drawing a naked woman but with words?👀
Nezo - I am trying to leave my Ashewo ways but you want to make me backslide. The answer to your question is yes.
Is a threesome on your bucket list?
Nezo - I plead the fifth.
What have you cooked recently? I mean food but you can still include the violence part.
Walk me through your spaghetti cooking process.
Nezo - Ah! I have not cooked Spaghetti in almost two years. I have not cooked anything in ages. I am sorry to disappoint you.
Are you truly a prostitute?
Nezo - What do you think?
Do you have a love interest? I kind of like you, and before I approach you, I want to be sure I am not overstepping.
Nezo - My woman is a national boxing champion - 55kg category. She will beat both of us o.
I want you
Nezo - Wait! You are the same person from last year???? Once again, let us thank God it’s not a need.
Dream vacation spot?
Nezo - Those places that are hard to pronounce.
What’s your dream job?
Nezo - Why would I dream of labor?
Laughing with you is the best therapy.
Nezo - Ehn? Where did you see me?
The last movie you saw?
Nezo - American Fiction
Last Documentary you saw?
Nezo - Looking for Sugarman. It’s on Netflix. Sad story all round.
I heard Tinubu’s economy is favoring you?
Nezo - How? Because I bought shawarma with double sausage?
Send me money?
Nezo - Send your account number?
I miss us?
Nezo - I miss us too.
A quote from a book you read recently.
Nezo - She is the only body of water that refuses to let me drown.
Song of the week - Englishman in New York by Sting.
Nezo.
Nigerian by birth,
Indian by hemp,
Canadian by loud.
Signed - Nezo, St Patron of women with vowels in their names, especially the ones with 0-2 boyfriends.
This is so relaxing and funny
“Why would I dream for labour?” 😂😂