Interview PT.4

Questions and answers

It’s safe to say introductions are no longer necessary, but it never hurts to say, “Hello, once again.

Before we get into the main reason we are here, I have a little announcement to make. Last month, I was among the winners of the Raenest App X DevCareer hackathon, taking home the writing prize for my article titled 'Death To LinkedIn.'

So, yay! Clap for me and let’s move on.

---

This is where I start the interview with a dramatic monologue written in italics, but it’s hot as hell, and who has time for that?

How old are you? And don’t dodge the question like you usually do.

I am old enough to do drugs.

Hi NEZO! Have you read any of Sally Rooney's novels? If you haven’t read Beautiful World Where Are You? First. I feel you’ll like it. Eileen and Alice's emails to each other remind me of your newsletter.

Yo! I checked out this book because you recommended it, and a few chapters in, I am hooked. I’m jealous of her ability to describe things and places vividly. And yes, I can see why those emails remind you of my newsletter. Thank you!

Do you ever get anxious about posting your newsletters?

Not at all. I assume only one person is going to read them.

Do you eat?

I am a real eater. Wait! Eat what exactly?

I believe that you’re broke most of the time. Would you like to clarify?

In a country where 90 percent of the population spends less than two dollars on food daily, why is it such a surprise that I might be broke most of the time?

What’s a typical day like for you?

Wake up. Pray to God. Hit the streets. Pray once more for anyone who dares cross me. For real, a typical day for me involves a lot of reading, long walks to clear my head, checking my emails, and dilly-dallying for a bit. I am about to add running to my routine—the wicked run when no one is chasing them.

Hi Olawale, my husbandddd!

Ah! Did you marry me without my permission? Well, hello to you, too.

What are you wary of?

Two things. Eloquent people and the constant use of artificial intelligence.

You would be surprised by the sort of opinions eloquent people can get away with in this part of the world. I am not going to expound on this, thank you.

About the use of AI, less than five years ago, people could easily read long-form articles, read books longer than the Great Wall of China, conduct proper research without needing to ask AI assistants for help at each step, and write emails that felt human. These days, it feels like people have lost the ability to do mundane tasks they could effortlessly do half a decade ago. I am concerned about what the next five years hold as far as AI usage is concerned. I am not going to get into the damage those damn data centers are doing to the environment.

Last article you read?

The vexing problem of the medium friend. Someone from this newsletter recommended this read. Interesting read. It talks about the classification of friends and the level of our interaction and involvement in their lives, and vice versa. Shout out to Tife Adebowale.

Favourite books you have read this year?

Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell.

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.

If you could heal anything or anyone in the world, what or whom would you heal?

The pain in my heart.

Share a lovely interaction you’ve had on Substack, and online in general.

A while ago, someone emailed me to tell me how much they loved my publication because it made them feel not alone.

Have you ever had someone stalk you?

No! I don’t think I am that interesting to be stalked—no crazy exes to take on that task either.

Happy birthday in advance, guy. Post some mean mugs for the girls?

Too late to post some mean mugs. Apologies.

I’ve read the entirety of your publication. How does that make you feel?

Happy. I am proud of you. You are the best thing since sliced bread. Thank you for reading.

Think about the ‘Yoruba man” stereotype and give a percentage of how similar you are to him.

Ah! I wish I knew how to answer this. Also, I refuse to answer this.

Is it okay that people are rawdogging life?

What choice do they have?

Do you have a secret Substack account? I do, and I’m an absolute menace with it. Would you like to be a menace with me?

One Substack account is a whole lot. How do you manage two? But because I am ever curious, send me a message. I want to see all the trouble you have been up to.

Gay son or thot daughter?

Sigh! Thought daughter.

The killings in the country are so disheartening. It makes me wonder if the rest of the country’s population, who are seemingly untouched, are next? That on a random Tuesday, a black van will screech to a stop at Oshodi, and make the news.

Thank you for this. I randomly think about scenarios like this because you can walk from Iyana Ipaja to Oshodi without seeing a single policeman. I shudder at the type of damage a well-motivated suicide truck or bomber will cause with that much lapse in our daily security. Let me end this in a truly Nigerian way: I cover us in the blood of Jesus.

Why do you like watching stand-up comedy?

To laugh and to maybe feel something.

Is there anything you would like to share with us?

This question reminds me of a Kendrick Lamar lyric(s). “I care too much, wanna share too much.”

I fear that one day, on a busy street, I might strip naked and start chasing the first person that locks eyes with me. Run, Forrest, run!

When was the last time you were happy?

2022.

Are we ever going to get a face reveal?. At this point, I consider you a friend, and it’s only right that I get to see you.

I add my pictures to the newsletter from time to time. I am not anonymous. I will add a picture to the next newsletter. Thank you.

Are you voting next year?

Inshaallah!

When was the last time you got mad?

Honestly, I don’t get mad. Disappointed, yes. Mad, no.

Do you have a favorite quote from a poem or book?

I loved her, and sometimes, she loved me too - Pablo Neruda.

All parents damage their children; it cannot be helped. Youth like pristine glass absorb the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, and a few shatter childhood completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair - Mitch Albom.

What’s life like lately?

I can’t begin to put my answer into words. But it is what it is.

Tell me your weakness?

Bye Delilah!

You promised to write a mini-essay on electricity distribution, and this “Band A” nonsense. Where is the article?

Learn not to take me seriously all the time.

I am starting a demotivational club that encourages people to give up on their goals. Care to join?

Are you trying to ruin my life?

Let’s talk about our favorite books and movies in a dark room over a bottle of wine?

Sounds like the beginning of a kidnapping.

This time next year, would this newsletter still be active?

Honestly, I don’t know.

I have a burner account where I post suggestive photos of myself. What do you think?

Go girl! Or boy…

Something you can eat for a month straight?

Granola.

Are you good at sports?

Surprisingly, yes. Very good.

What can we do about the situation in this country?

We should get comfortable with killing our leaders.

I know you have close to 900 subscribers on Substack. Would you rather be stuck on a deserted island with your first 400 subscribers or your last 400 subscribers?

I like this question. Both halves of the total equation contain really cool people, but the first half includes people I know in person, and knowing my friends, it might be hard to get them to cooperate on a deserted island because they are never serious—give me 200 subscribers from both groups.

Does it get better?

If we stay alive, I guess it can.

Early adopter or late adopter?

Leemaooo! I probably went to school with this person.

Send me an email?

Okay! Address?

Would you ever write a book?

I am trying to write one. It’s hard as hell.

I am not interested in marriage, not interested in sex either, but I want a kid. In the near future, I might need your sperm.

Wait! What????

Do you consider yourself a funny person?

In a way. I am not stand-up funny; I am like offbeat funny.

---

Well, that’s the last of the questions. Thank you for staying largely sane with the question this time around. This is going to be the last one for a while. Take care of yourself and your mental health. I love you, and I miss us.

Bye.

Nezo.

Nigerian by birth,

Indian by hemp,

Canadian by loud.

Signed - Nezo, St. Patron of women with vowels in their names, especially the ones with 0-2 boyfriends.